Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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