So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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