Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
