Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
