before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
