New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize