Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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