i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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