YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
