Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
