my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
