When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
