I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
