well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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