i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
