I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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