Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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