Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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