I heard we made out
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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