Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
