We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
