don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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