You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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