I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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