So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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