On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
