capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
