I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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