Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
