Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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