singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
