Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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