I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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