Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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