You smell like stripper and shame
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
