My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
