Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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