we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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