two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
