Umm I'm too high to move.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize