Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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