i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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