I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
