I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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