I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
