Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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