Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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