i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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