It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sext me about skeletons
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
