I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My liver just broke up with me...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize