I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
