you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
