That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
