You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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