meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
