she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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