No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
