just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
