Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
