Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
