Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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