I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
