these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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