Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
