So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
