I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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