I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
