I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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