he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
