Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
