I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
