It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
