Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
