I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
