There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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