Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
