he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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