She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
