Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
