i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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