You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
