i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
