well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
