Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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