is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
