I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
