it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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