If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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