There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
