How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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