Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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