are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize