I'm so fucking centered right now
At least make sure they are 18
Why
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
