I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
