so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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