What did we do last night that was yellow?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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