The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
