I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
