I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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