I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
