Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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