the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
