oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
