Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize