No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize