I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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