She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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