She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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