marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize