All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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