Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
