There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
