You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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