every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
